16 Jul 2010

Getting Blood out of Joss Stone: New James Bond game on the way

Back in Thumbcast 12, we talked about the uncertain future the rebooted James Bond franchise faces thanks to the ongoing financial chaos at parent studios MGM.  It seemed a sad moment in the film series' history as, despite the creative and critical success of Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace - and despite having Sam Mendes, Rachel Weiss and Peter Morgan on board for Bond 23 - the whole thing was on ice.

Thankfully MGM's travails haven't spilled over into the franchise's other arms, however, after the announcement that Daniel Craig and Judi Dench would be reunited for a new James Bond video game, with writing duties on the game being handled by Bruce Feirstein.  Ok, he's no Peter Morgan, but he did co-write the three decent Brosnan movies AND wrote the script for the Brosnan original 007 game Everything or Nothing (which actually turned out to be a damn sight better than the epic shite-a-thon that was Die Another Day).

Excellent news, then.  A sort-of lifeline for Craig's brilliant portrayal of Bond at the hands of the man who made the only decent 007 game.  And then we read this...:

Award winning artist Joss Stone is set to debut as the newest Bond girl in Activision Publishing, Inc.’s James Bond 007: Blood Stone, an original Bond experience from legendary screenwriter Bruce Feirstein. In addition to stepping into a leading role, Grammy and BRIT Award winner Joss Stone will create original music for the game, luring players into an explosive third-person action adventure where they will unravel an international conspiracy across exotic locales...

Joss Stone provides an original musical track to the game, titled “I’ll Take it All” written and performed by her and Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics. The song will be featured exclusively in James Bond 007: Blood Stone.

Joss Stone.  Joss Bloody Stone?  Oh for fuck's sake.

Fuck the song - there's a mute button for that - it's the casting of her as an actress which is, frankly, terrifying.

Here she is in the Tudors - a role that basically required her to look pretty in a corset - displaying the screen presence of a pebble.

At least it's a game, so they can try and make her somewhat more animated than she's ever appeared in real life.  And perhaps while they're at it, they could render a new accent for her, since last time anyone saw the West Country warbler she apparently couldn't decide if she was from Devon or Detroit.  

"I'm the first Bond girl from the West Country - instead of Martini in my glass I'm drinking cider and nobody will ever know," she said at the press conference.  Fuck's sake.

Oh, she's a former Flake Girl, by the way.

Specifically, the only Flake Girl to manage to make eating a Flake not remotely sexy.  

Ideal casting then as a Bond Girl - even a digital one.